A social institution which is needed in this day and age, but were sadly collapse is family. Called sorely needed, because almost all institutions (including religious institutions) are experiencing charisma deficit. Never mind the politics, power, bureaucracy, business had always been hot by the seizure of money and position. Even religious shrines and everywhere else in the heats. India, Pakistan, Israel, Palestine and the places where ever born prophets and holy books are full of violence. And in the midst of this heat-paced, cool family is one umbrella that could potentially be very shelter. Unfortunately, the West as a teacher recalled, family institutions are breaking through the high divorce rate as well as a rising constantly. U.S. is the most extreme, not just the high divorce rate, children who failed to be cooled by family umbrella, even do the shooting scary.
Future Without Coolness
In the middle of these uncertainties, a question appears that how to save family as umbrella of civilization? “Intention is the active partner of the action”, that is one of the message of a Guru. And regarding the intent, too many married couples who started a family with the naïve intention: “look for a little haven”. A place where people and goods can only give us pleasure. Hence, the requirement of a person looking for a life partner all call traits related to excess: “attractive physical appearance, rich kid, a good career, is financially secure, patient, forgiving, and willing to listen”. It is unheard that there is candidate who is looking for a life partner for ailing treated as a means to enhance love in action, or for children of the poor as a means of sharing and giving. It all started with the intention of getting, adding, profiting.
Nevertheless, it remains a family institution has collapsed everywhere. Elderly western couples who traveled to Bali (80 years old in average), has often given inaccurate information. Outward appearance is affectionate, holding hands, kissing as if to give solid information about the family institution in the West. Former CNN broadcaster Larry King once honestly opened the secret that he had been married eight times. These bring materials of contemplation, family is a place where people spend most of the time, if here is not available cool umbrella, then where the future will find coolness?
To build a cool umbrella of family, let’s start with the beautiful message of a Guru: “Love is not only a shared pleasures, but also a shared pain”. Love as the most important asset of a family, not just make us having a lot of fun together, in many circumstances it also means having a lot of grief together. He who has grown old in the environment of family know that a family is a shelter and a place to grow. Family can become shelter because we accept and are accepted, forgive and are forgiven, serve and are served, loved and are loved. A place to grow, because in family we also experienced both small and large shocks.
Some friends who had gone through a midlife crisis (aged 45-55 years) will understand, at this point the wife want to menopause (sexual appetite dropped dramatically, some even disgusted with sex), the husband experience second puberty (sexual appetite ascending), at the same time the children were naughty. The meeting of these three fire is very dangerous. It happens very often, the interaction of these three open the door of family collapse. In the old days, there were many men looking for new wives as temporary. Now, do not try to use the same approach. Problems and disasters can come from all directions.
Honestly, this middle life crisis is the opening door of compassion in action. And compassion works as a natural remedy that works well with a limited negative impact. This is also what is meant by love as means of experiencing pain and grief. Men who want to live at home with menopause wife complete with unstable emotions certainly uncomfortable, serving an increasingly powerful husband who is concerned of sex is also not reassuring. The worst thing happen when these dry grasses are burned by mischievous children who do not want to understand. This is where compassion bell sounded shrill: “compassion brings us home”. Similar to bodybuilders, which strengthens the body’s muscles by lifting heavy weights, suffering makes the spiritual muscles more perfect from day to day. For this reason, suffering is actually a spiritual blessing. When spiritual muscles are strong enough, enabling us to serve others lovingly, that is often called the spiritual fruit.
This is why, in the depths of meditation there is heard a message like this: “Romantic love is full of illusion, genuine love and compassion has no illusions. It is simply who we are “. The image of a family as a small paradise just an illusion. True love without excessive expectations, love is what we are. Especially because in the family we are totally opened. All the advantages and disadvantages of getting caught. In this condition, if we can accept and love, this is a perfect love. A love which is without mask, without pad, with nothing to be hidden.
Deepest Spiritual Laboratory
For that reason, in deep meditation sessions it is often advised to use the family as the deepest spiritual laboratory. At work, spiritual groups, with neighbors, what else in the way we know each other very on the surface, as well as easy to dodge if not suitable. But in a family, especially with children and the elderly, there is no room to run. Thus presenting only one option: “accept, care, love”. Surprisingly, not only the person who is accepted growing, the one who accept even grow further.
Hence there is a message in the science of healing old still useful: “accepting without blaming is the true turning point of healing”. When we can accept without blame, a turning point of healing occurs. Or in the language of a prayer, if it can be changed then change, if it can not be changed just accept. It happens many times, change can also happen through accepting. This is one light of compassion. A type of light that radiates from within when we can see that all beings are suffering. Suffering does not require anger, it needs a hug. With this affectionate hug, then a lot of hot spots in life (divorce, fights, hostility) can be sprinkled with holy water of compassion. Then there is a possibility of providing a cool umbrella to the future growth of future generation.